Whine & Bitch

So many thought just racing around. I'm so flipping angry I'm seeing red.

When does it get to be my turn? When does someone get to take care of me, to comfort me and hold my hand. I've had to be the strong one forever. I'm always there for everyone. Have a problem...Nancy will help. Need to talk call Nancy...Feel like crying...lean on me.

Guess what....Nancy isn't so strong. I've been everyone's rock. And now I feel like I'm standing alone.

Poor Jerk....His world is crumbling and he's feeling the pressure???? What the hell have I been dealing with for the last 10 yrs? I and the kids have had to suffer for ALL of his stupid decisions. I've been the one who's paid for his mistakes. I'm so lonely...but it's really nothing new. I've been lonely for a long time. But poor jerk gets to go "HELP" himself and I'm stuck here to deal with 4 kids who haven't a clue as to what's going on... Really. They have no idea what their dad has been doing for years. WHY? Cause mom makes everything better. When he finally moves out...I'm sure they will think deep inside that it's my fault... Just one more thing I'm gonna pay for because of his stupid ass choices.

I'm not perfect by any means, but DAMN. Somebody please...I need the re-assurance and the "atta girl" just like everyone else.... Nobody calling me to see how I'm holding up... Nobody taking me out to get away for a little bit.... NOPE!!! not one person....

Instead...I'm supposed to put on the happy face and make sure that the kids are taken care of both physically and emotionally...while jerk off goes to his "meetings" so that he can get support and guidance. Then he has the f*cking audacity to come home and tell me that he's tired cause he didn't sleep well last night..... SLEEP???? What is that? After laying around in bed for an hour or two he gets to play super dad. He plays board games with the kids while I get dinner. Once I've gotten everything prepared, start to cook and he's done with the game he tells the kids that he should go help with dinner. FRY them potatoes...... Thanks for the help.

I swear sometimes I think it would have been easier if he would have just walked out the door and never came back.

When I told him that I've talked to an attorney and that I'm serious this time..At first he was acting like he had no clue why. "I'm clean....I haven't touched it in a year...." BULLSH!T" I know better than that. The sores, the staying awake for days on end, the MOOD SWINGS. Then the first thing he did was call mommy and daddy. HA HA HA dumbass...I talked to them first. They know whats going on. But it just killed me cause I don't have anyone to turn to. My parents aren't around to support me. I have no one to run to to rub my head. Sure the in-laws love me...but it's just not the same. I'm not their kid. I wish so badly that I could have my parents back... 17 yrs wasn't long enough.. Even 25yrs wasn't long enough... My family has mostly forgotten me. That is my fault. I've kept away for so many years because of jerk. I couldn't face the looks anymore. I didn't want the questions... I'm not a good liar.

Quit complaining...... At least there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I think I can see it...barely. I'm jealous of those who have wonderful partners. I'm jealous of those who have it so good and still bitch about their lives. Tell ya what sweetie...let's trade shoes for awhile... I want someone to take care of me.

Thanks for letting me shed a few... Not that I couldn't have or haven't for years.... I just needed to vent so that I can let it go and not drop it on the kids.....

"This too shall pass"................. but not fast enough.