So I have 3 out of the 4 in school fulltime now....One more to go. Ruby (Maggie as she like to be called) is 4 and wants to go to school. We are in a district that tests for preschool. Only the kids who need it usually get in. We were told that there is a wait list, and chances were that she wouldn't get in. We went through this last year with Xavier. He was too smart for preschool. His little heart was broke when I had to tell him that he couldn't go to school. Then half way through the first quarter the school called and said that they were creating another class and there was an opening for him. Well I decided not to get Maggie's hopes up about school and kept telling her that she wasn't old enough to go to school yet, that when she was 5 she would get to go to kindergarten. Wouldn't you know it, I just got the call from Xavier's pre-K teacher and she said that she indeed would love to have Maggie in her class and I could choose morning or afternoon. She knows I work nights and just wanted to help out with whatever would work out best.!!!! YEAH!!!!!! She will start on Monday. Which works out well for her, she woke up last night with a Croup Cough and was miserable all night. She seems to be much better, but still has the sniffles and lack of energy. I was up with the bathroomed steamed for hours last night. But today she seems much better. We have to pick up Molly to take her to counseling in a couple of hours and then it's back to laundry! I HATE LAUNDRY!!! With 4 kids, it's a never ending chore.
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Last night Pat and I started a discussion on what our beliefs in "God" are. I'm still very angry with the Catholic Church and I think at first I gave Pat the impression that I do not believe in "God" at all. I do believe in something higher, more knowing than ourselves. I don't know that I believe in a being. I'm more of the belief that there is something out there that controls the things beyond our control such as nature, weather etc.... I told him that I do pray, but it's not to a God, but rather to the people who have passed before me. I told him when I was in the hospital waiting to deliver Molly(who's almost 11), I prayed every day.... But I prayed (talked) to my Father, Grandparents and sister-in-law that they help Molly. Molly was born almost 4 months premature. She weighed just over 1 lb. My water broke at 22 wks and the Dr's told me that there was only a 30% chance that she would survive if she was born then. I was in the hospital 4 wks on complete bed rest. Ultrasound every morning to check the amniotic fluid level.... The day I went into labor and the Dr's told me that her survival rate was 50 / 50. I knew deep in my heart that she would make it. She was born at 5:40 am, and she actually had apgars of 8 & 9. She was breathing on her own. She came out crying. I knew she would be fine.... She's a miracle. The Dr's couldn't believe this little baby was breathing on her own....unheard of! The neo-nate doc still knows who she is. We ran into him one day at the hospital while my neice's baby was in the NICU, he recognized me and then looked at her and said "Well you must be Molly McButter (her nickname in the NICU) I remember the day you gave us such a scare." Molly had come down with pneumonia about 3 wks after she was born, and Dr Needleman had to tell me to call my family up to the hospital because he didn't think that Molly would survive the day. He had tears in his eyes and his voice was cracking as he told me. I was devistated. How could this be happening? But Molly's a fighter, and she fought a good fight and came out on the winning side. She had to go on a special type of breathing machine called an oscilator and they had to paralyze her with drugs so that she could just rest, and a few days later she was on the rebound. Dr Needleman told Molly that she was his most favorite baby he has cared for and that he expected great things from her. He knows that she was born for something spectacular. I was in tears...
Anyway, the discussion we were having lead to me saying that I don't know how to just turn everything over...How does one do that. Who am I supposed to turn it over to? I guess I have to figure out what truly my beliefs are. I just don't know that I can believe there is one person "God" who is in control of everything and everybody. So if I don't believe that who do I turn it over to? I believe that there are spitits who watch over us, that my loved ones who have passed on are keeping us safe... But other than that I don't know.... Any suggestions out there??? How do I just give everything over to a Higher Power?? Oh well...enough rambling. I need to get ready to pick up Molly.
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2 comments:
I re read this entry and some how missed that your daughter's name really is Ruby. I love that name. When my grandmother (favorite one) was on her death bed she was hallucinating and she was calling me Ruby (not my name) and talking about things that were not there like my mother as a child standing too close to the roses and a train. Any ways later I found out Ruby was a niece of my grnadmothers that I never met. When I got pregnant Ruby is on of the names I considered if I had a girl. So this was interesting since Ruby is not a common name.
Ruby was my mother's name. My mother passed away when my oldest was just a few months old. My grandmother's name was Pearl so I've been very blessed to have some real "jems" in my life.
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